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Post by JohanneSoulless on May 7, 2022 1:29:03 GMT
In case you’re not familiar with the term (I myself learned it not so long ago), fictophilia is a phenomenon of strong and lasting feelings of love, infatuation, or desire for one or more fictional characters. But I’m almost sure you have felt that at some point in your lives (if you haven’t, then you’re lucky in a sense, heh). Naturally, the opposite feeling exists as well, but I didn’t find the term for it. And Google states that the opposite for “philia” is “phobia”, so I called it fictophobia. I’d think it should contain the root word mîsos like in “misanthropy”, but okay, I don’t know a thing about Greek, so let it be phobia (that means not only "fear" but "hatred" as well).
The linguistic note over, here's a bit of a rule. Please try to distinguish between an actor and a character they play, even though you immensely like both. Here we only talk about fictional people, real ones will have a thread of their own sometime (maybe). Say, if you think that such and such an actor portrayed a certain character best of all, that’s fine (add that to your declaration of love for the character); if you like the character portrayed by that actor only and don’t care for any other rendition, then it would be a love for the actor. Or maybe you’re only able to understand the character because one actor gave you the key for it and the others somehow didn’t? (It'd be ok to explain it in the thread then.) You’ll have to figure it out on your own after all
Apart from movie characters, there seems to be nothing else to pay special attention to. It doesn’t matter if a character you like is based on a real person (if you like that person too, you can discuss him/her in another thread). Historical figures whose existence is thoroughly documented won’t fit the thread, but mythological characters will (same goes for semi-mythological ones… at least, if you strongly believe that there’s very little evidence for their actual existence). In fact you can tell about your favorite toys you thought to be alive as a child, or imaginary friends, or any dreamy creations you made up for some reason and still can’t forget (but then you should describe them very well, because we aren’t able to see those characters anywhere).
As for fictophobias, express your feelings freely, but, please, stay polite to others. Like, you may say that a character is a piece of shit and so on because you hate such idiots; but you should restrain from saying that fans of the character are idiots too, even though you’d met some of them and became genuinely persuaded that they’re idiots :mrgreen: . Something like this is actually included in the general rules of discussions on the forum, but I think I must remind about it in case you get carried away too much. That’s so easy when talking about our likes and dislikes…
Last but not the least: there are various degrees of fictophilia, and if you just reply here, you’re not going to be considered a maniac who could have gladly sacrificed themselves for their fave character if it were possible. If you are the maniac though, this may not be the worst place to pour out your greatest passion
P. S.: pics are welcome
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Post by JohanneSoulless on Nov 7, 2022 0:09:51 GMT
As for me, a fictophilia of some degree is a fairly normal state of my mind ever since I can remember . But my post is incredibly long (and badly composed), so I don’t ask anyone to read it to the end. Let’s think I wrote it just for myself (it’s actually true). I just described every philia and phobia I could remember, but no one has to do the same. Telling about current ones is enough (but one can tell more if they like…).
So! Since I was a small child, I was surrounded by toys, images of all sorts (illustrations, pictures, drawings), audio tales (on vinyl discs), comic books and usual books (that were read to me aloud), video games. Toys as objects drew the least of my attention (so did cartoons and movies before I reached a certain age), but I could easily fall in love with an image of a toy that developed its own personality and life story in my mind. I could also be captivated by a drawing in a book or a newspaper (they were mostly drawings of animals - dogs, dinosaurs, birds, cats, etc.). The beauty of it was enough to create a small imaginary world where it lived. A fluid image with an infinite capacity for change and development is still my favorite toy. I’m going to use just the word “image” instead of “artistic image” for brevity, but please keep in mind that it’s always bigger than a pretty picture, although it often starts at that. If I hadn’t been able to put something into an image, I wouldn’t have been interested in fantasizing at all. And I don’t mind the image changing over time, because it’s more important what it is than what it looks like. Actually, many important things can’t have a physical appearance, but can manifest themselves with the help of everything suitable (or not very much)... I do think they are what I’m after, while my personal taste attracts me to only some suitable manifestations among others. Yes, I like constructing abstractions
Well, let's proceed in some sort of order (say, a roughly chronological one). I can't recall everything, 'cause my childhood memory is rather dim (it's dim overall ). But I know for certain that I was immediately mesmerized by the old wolf Akela who'd missed his prey so unfortunately, and by a couple of cobras from Rikki-Tikki-Tavi (Mr Kipling obviously had a grip over me). Their death was so sad . At the same time or a bit later I had a thing for the protagonist of the novel "Jonathan Livingston Seagull" by R. Bach (not a typical reading for children, but quite innocuous... maybe); for a brave rooster from a Polish writer's novel (seems like it's not officially translated into English; well, in short, the rooster helped to find a kidnapped princess); for two swallows who got in trouble (one from “Tumbelina” and another from a children’s tale by an obscure Russian author). All of them weren’t characters I just liked, something about them really touched me.
And one of my early cartoon crushes was Optimus Prime from The Transformers series together with a pink-colored robotic girl who he carried around in some episode, and a robotic guy who’d got ruined and was buried… in the sea maybe. I’m sure I knew their names and story back then . As for movies, I loved Atreyu from "The NeverEnding Story" together with his horse, but you probably know that the latter met a bad end. That was one of my favorite scenes. I’m not sure though, what would it have been if they’d made Atreyu green-skinned like he is in the novel the movie is based on. I read it years later, but the guy still seemed all right to me, green or not green, so I think it was really the character I liked. Noah Hathaway who portrayed him was undoubtedly good-looking though (he kind of still is, judging from a quick glance).
And the other day I was suddenly reminded (by a deviant lost boy out there) about Hulk Hogan AND the Thunder in Paradise series which I liked as a quite small child. Not because of Hulk, of course. No, I really adored that computer-controlled Thunder boat. Another “machine crush” was a BattleMech from one of my favorite Sega video games BattleTech (it’s a gigantic war machine resembling an ostrich, but without a long neck). I knew a human sat inside and managed the machine, but I considered them essentially to be one. Read somewhere that introverts tend to perceive objects in the same way as people’s faces… seems to be true enough. (Oh yes, I remember my being scared by wall sockets, wheels of freight trains, and a New Year’s tinsel ball, ‘cause all of them looked like faces of someone watching me )
My comic books were numerous (mainly Disney stuff though), and the characters of two of them even had their comeback into my life when I was in my 20s. One was Raphael from Teenage Mutant Ninjas (I must admit I loved Splinter too, he was so smart and, well, attractive, and got in and out of trouble which seems to be common about most of my philias ). Actually I didn’t read Ninjas comic books after I lost them when moving, but I caught a glimpse of the newer Ninjas movies years later, and it reminded me very strongly of those guys, and inspired me to make up a story that includes, like, 3% of the original Ninjas story, but I’m not the one to forget the prototypes (when I realize who they were). I was in love with it for many months and plan to make a novel or something out of it, but haven’t started yet.
The other crushes I remembered from before were from my single issue of Elfquest - it wasn’t the kind of comic books my parents usually bought me, but the cover attracted me mightily, and I demanded to get it . I never had any other issue, but was quite fond of the story and some characters, namely Skywise and Cutter (for those who aren’t familiar with the book: they’re elves, but not very much like Tolkien’s elves; I seem to have read that they were partly inspired by traditions and appearance of Native American people). An old elvish woman was a mysterious and magnificent figure too at the time. (Well, old, maybe just a few thousand years and looking better than some 50 y.o. mortals, you know…) A decade ago (I’ve had Internet access for years already) I suddenly decided that I wanted to find out what that comic book was (don’t recall what exactly prompted me, maybe the summer vacation). That was pretty easy to do, as I immediately came across an official website that stored dozens of full issues (I think they weren’t downloadable, but the pages were of high quality, and everything was very well organized, so there was basically no need to download anything). This generosity is probably explained by the fact that none of those issues is available anymore (but might be not, that’s my suggestion). Well, I was hoooked . I guess I read all the (initial) main story (up to the moment they discovered a cosmic vehicle (or a magic one…) and nearly flew away, but then stayed; well I don’t remember much, frankly speaking). Then I lost interest in reading (although there were plenty of side stories, a sequel and other things), but was still obsessed with the story for a long while. Skywise was still my main crush, however I fell for Cutter too sometimes ❤. My attitudes virtually haven’t changed since my childhood. However, Timmain who was the great mother of the Wolfriders tribe seemed to be even more magnetic than that old lady of the Sun tribe (the former just wasn’t mentioned in the issue I read as a child). And I’m going to talk about Elfquest again when listing my fictophobias…
Back to my mid-early childhood, though. I guess Batman (in a movie) and Spiderman (in a cartoon series, never watched any Spiderman movie) had their share of my admiration as well, but I think I loved Robocop more (watching Transformers must have had a certain influence...). I saw a movie first, then there was a video game, and I think I still was a bit passionate about him. Then I fell for Vigo the Carpathian from Ghostbusters II, don’t think it was for long, but could have been intense judging from my unexpectedly good memory about it . Actually I had (maybe have) a soft spot for monsters, like Alien, the shark from Jaws, probably some other underwater mutants, giant anacondas and insects from horror movies which titles I can’t recall (or didn’t even know them in the first place). At times I was enchanted by the creatures, then - by people who fought them or was involved with them in another way. Odd . And yes, the Planet of Apes. It must have been the protagonists I was mad about (were they two, one was lost and then another one appeared? I guess so). Plan to read one of the derivative novels (same for Alien). I barely can remember anything about the movie now.
Then I was passionate about a villain from the first Home Alone movie - I think I loved his unfortunateness. Another one was Ashka of a fantasy series Spellbinder (it’s most likely that I watched its 1997 sequel), but I don’t remember what exactly I liked about her… although she definitely was unfortunate too (at the series’ ending at least). That feature probably attracted me in a female protagonist of the only soap opera I ever watched and can’t recall its name now. But she was a beautiful tall blonde girl of the finest character who fell victim to jealous and wicked people (but was saved by her twin sister she hadn’t been aware of). It seems to prove that I’m interested in unhappy boys and girls rather than in evil ones (it doesn’t actually matter if they’re evil or not… ). That’s why I loved a bitter ugly Rosanna from the “Moon Stone” novel and even Satan’s son from one of “The Omen” derivative novels (I watched a movie too, but don’t recall being interested in anyone) - he was described as a person with totally human feelings (although Satan himself doesn’t seem to be a sentimental guy…).
And when there was no evidence of unhappiness, I could always make it up, like I seemed to have done with an Indian mythological couple of Krishna and Radha (she was my main interest though). I knew next to nothing about Indian mythology before secondary school, but was surrounded by a dozen of great arts of a few Indian gods that hung all over our apartment (and there were also some packs of highly artistic tarot cards which I liked a lot, one was Indian-themed as well). They might be responsible for my love for cobras too (there was an adorable cobra almost in any Indian art).
(If you’re wondering whether my parents were hippies or something, then brace yourselves: not exactly, but they were professionally involved in practising the mix of psychology and new age stuff that’s become so popular nowadays )
Well, I’m of course lying that I watched only one soap opera, because I really liked some guys from Santa-Barbara show (my parents watched it), but I was so little that I’m not sure now who they were. But there was an interesting dark story about a man named Mason who was mysteriously killed or faked it all… very unhappy, you know
At different times I was attracted by the orca of Free Willy and a few Dalmatian puppies, but the latter didn’t inhabit my head just because of the movie. Once there was a 101 Dalmatian set you could find in Kinder Eggs, and I absolutely loved it (but I had only one or two items and a small brochure depicting all of them - it was my main love inspiration actually). Same goes for Sharkybabas set.
Video games reflect my love for animal characters up to this day . There probably were more than I can recall, but I was certainly crazy about the racoon from Disney's Pocahontas (together with the protagonist herself), and an opossum protagonist or antagonist (or both) from Rocket Knight Adventures, and the Road Runner from Desert Demolition, and Calamity Coyote (I only know that character from Tiny Toon Adventures: Buster's Hidden Treasure).
The universe of Sonic the Hedgehog appeared to be wonderfully rich in captivating characters and promising parts of the storyline (although I don’t really know it, ‘cause I’m already more interested in my own world that was inspired by the images). I don’t recall being exactly infatuated by Sonic though, he’s ok, just might be not my type of person. Tails seemed a nice little fox too, but who I liked at once was Knuckles the Echidna. Although I didn’t recognize want kind of animal he is, thought it was a dog . (I also took Splinter for a dog, and a Rocket Knight opossum - for a jerboa. Mind you, I’ve read encyclopedias of animals ever since I learned to read ). Doesn’t matter though. There wasn’t much story to learn from Sega Sonic games, no one spoke a word, and I only could surmise something when the characters met each other for the first time and acted independently of the player (for instance, Knuckles shook his fist at Dr Robotnik who was flying away). And I couldn’t know anything about the characters’ personal traits and stories at all, so I was really attracted to a local supermarket where more modern consoles and games were sold, and a small TV set displayed a number of programmed scenes to one of the Sonic games for Playstation. The characters’ dialogs were even decently translated and voiced! I think I visited the stall several times a day several days a week, sometimes with a friend. I didn’t mind watching the same scenes over and over again. Just don’t know how the salesperson didn’t tell me to get out (nowadays, many feel nervous when you just stand around looking at the goods). That boosted my imagination a lot, but I still didn’t know much about the characters, and moved to other things in some time.
Then I got Internet access and discovered lots of neatly collected information about any character I could think of, but I wasn’t even familiar with many of them (since they appeared after I quit playing, or I just never get to them when I still had my console). I think I saw a few images from the game by chance, recalled my old interest and did some reading. That’s why I tend to think that Sonic isn’t my type of chap while Knuckles probably is, although I couldn’t know that when playing console games. But I do figure out some unimportant things every now and then
That’s not all though. Then there were some characters I’d never played and liked them solely for what I read and saw. I think I liked Silver the Hedgehog for a bit of time, but that was, like, a fling . Then I learned about Shadow the Hedgehog, and suddenly my heart was stolen for real ❤. Well, his life story is kinda tearjerking, but I really have nothing to add to his personality . It’s one of the few characters I still like fantasizing about, very briefly though (well, most of my philias lost their grip over me altogether, so it does mean something).
That Shadow crush appeared somewhere in between 2012 and 2015, but I had some others before that. There’s a Sega game Ristar, and I did fall for the protagonist when I learned the story, which, for a change, was present in the game, and I could get some bits of it in English (I was about 12, and my level of English was elementary). It might be that the game soundtrack enchanted me too (don’t care for it now). The protagonist is actually a strange creature - its body is a black sphere with legs and arms, and its yellow face has a form of a star so big that the body isn’t visible behind the rays. But it walks in such a manner that you can see its black ass . Well, why do I refer to him as “it”, the story tells unambiguously that he’s a male. A minor probably, as he went on a quest to save his captured father (a much bigger star), and was thrilled to re-unite with him after winning the final boss fight (one of the few games I was able to play through (btw, I can’t remember ever completing any of the Sonic games, just so hard…). I certainly didn’t choose him for good looks
There was also Ecco the Dolphin. A great game in any respect actually. I played only the first part though. A heroic, selfless, graceful dolphin… not much to describe here, I’m afraid
Once I even went as far as falling for some characters of a tactical video game Worms, because their names excited my imagination for some reason. For those who isn’t familiar with the game: it basically has no story (or the version I played didn’t have), the player just operates very small and same-looking characters (worms, as you may guess) who destroy each other using various sorts of weapon. But all the worms do have different names (I don’t know why, never had any use out of it, except for inventing a crush, that is…)
Cartoons would show me some animals to love too, although not very often. I remember digging The Land Before Time animated series about baby dinosaurs, but that was too long ago. Then there was a series about animal footballers of which I loved a ghost cat (then he became incarnated somehow, appeared to be red, fluffy and even more attractive than before; he also spoke in very pleasant gentle voice). That crush echoed back to me in a few years, when I fell in love at first sight with Amelia Smollet from Treasure Planet. She was so terribly human-like though, she even wore clothes . But who can resist a catlike girl managing a ship like it’s no biggie . And my last cartoon crush (or so I remember) was the horse from Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron (and his mare probably too, ‘cause I often can’t ignore someone my crush loves).
Apart from that, I was shortly fascinated by Prince Pyrus from the Shadow Raiders animated series, but he appeared to be squeezed between my previous (the footballers series) and following passions and just couldn’t survive for long. But I still think he has one of the most charming pair of eyes ever (actually, the designers of the characters were great at inventing all sorts of eyes for different planets’ inhabitants).
I barely turned 11 when I started watching one of my most beloved animated series Sailor Moon (I’m not sure if I was finally out of it till I was 15), but the protagonist never was my crush, although I rather sympathized with her (honestly, that girl seemed particularly capable of gathering all the trouble around her, but, well, you know people of royal blood are rarely happy). My first great crush was Zoisite (I don’t know what variant of the series I watched, but Zoisite was certainly male there, which was different in the USA variant of the series, as far as I know), and then Sailor Uranus (might be the only case when my learning that the cute guy is actually a lesbian didn’t disappoint me at all. Maybe she’s my favorite lesbian! ). There could be more, but I didn’t get to know a bunch of characters I saw on Sailor Moon stickers I collected. They weren’t present in the series I watched. There was probably another season, but I totally missed it somehow.
Oddly enough, it never developed into a love for anime in general (alhough I did have another anime crush…)
Had a short-lived passion for Spike of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer series, but I only started watching a season toward the end and didn’t even know how he and Buffy had met each other. A romance between a vampire and a human was a totally new subject to me then (although it’s actually rather old, but I read little extracurricular literature in those years). What I watched though was their split-up and Spike’s becoming a tad deranged and searching someone who’d return his lost soul to him (was it all because of the split-up? I’m not sure). On that happy note the season ended, and I never watched the following one. To be honest, I don’t know why I repeatedly lost track of a series after one season
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Post by JohanneSoulless on Nov 7, 2022 0:13:19 GMT
There were also some book crushes in my early adolescence (apart from Damien from "The Omen" who I mentioned earlier). I can proudly say that I was a fan of "The Lord of The Rings" before it became mainstream . Well, by mainstream I mean its comparatively recent surge of popularity that followed Peter Jackson’s adaptation. To be exact, I fell for Thorin Oakenshield when I read "The Hobbit" at the age of 6 or so. I must admit he’s not the best guy (reread the novel a couple of years ago), but I remember being enchanted by his death as a child . I was about 9 when I read "The Lord of The Rings" per se (didn’t know what I read for quite a while, because the title was printed on the stiff title page (not on the book cover) which didn’t open readily, and I just didn’t notice it up to some moment). I absolutely loved Frodo, and got even madder about him when watched Jackson’s adaptation. I hadn’t actually imagined his looks very clearly while reading, but Elijah Wood gave me a great idea about that❤. About the same time I read "Silmarillion" which wasn’t all that entertaining, but it rather unexpectedly gave me an insight into the story of Sauron, and I sort of had a thing for him too (was satisfied with his adaptation image as well).
I’m not a fan anymore, but the novels are great
Other little crushes of the time were Corwin from the epic fantasy novel "The Chronicles of Amber" by R. Zelazny, and a female unicorn of "The Last Unicorn" by P. Beagle. It wasn’t an immediate and even clearly realized love; but I see now that the images haven’t left my mind and keep living somewhere in me, quiet, ghostlike, but who knows if they don’t secretly affect some of my decisions
A character I’ve had a rather ambiguous and slowly developing relation with is Sadako Yamamura originally of "The Ring" novel by K. Suzuki, but I got familiar with her when watching The Ring movie (an original, Japanese version too). That was in early 2000s, and my initial impression was far from interest. I was mortally afraid of her, and couldn’t figure out what was the sense of her behaviour (there’s barely any explanation in the adaptation, because some crucial details of the novel plot are omitted or changed). But I never forgot her. Found out about the book and was able to read it a few years later. That gave me quite a new perspective on the events and characters: I saw the sense of the former and was delighted at the weirdness of the latter, especially Sadako . It’s hard to call a crush actually, but her image lives in me too - even more noticeably than a couple of above-mentioned characters. I’m sure there’s a place in my dreams that belongs only to her (you know, some dreamscapes tend to visit you again and again).
I think she was (I know the pronoun isn’t indisputable, but let’s discuss it some other time ) one of my greatest crushes over the last 15 years. I remember that period quite well, but there aren’t too many philias left to describe. I should think it’s because of me having been falling in love with a number of rock musicians since early 2004 (one of the very few dates I’m sure of; although I can have 2 crushes at the same time if one is real, and another - fictional, but that’s rare). And I’ve probably gained more “image experience” and stopped being impressed so easily. Or my ability to love images could wear out somewhat, but that’s a sad assumption . Time will show what it is. May be something in between…
Whatever, my big crush of 2009/2010 appeared to be Sephiroth from the video game Final Fantasy VII. I didn’t even play it and only heard of it by chance. A vocalist of a band I liked at the time created a new image for himself to illustrate the concept of their then-upcoming album, and some fans started talking that he looked a great deal like Sephiroth. I only saw that the vocalist looked a great deal like a character of my own novel (who I made up before I saw that image). I think that fact really prompted me to look up for Sephiroth. But I’m not sure what happened later . In any case, his image from the game wasn’t everything. I watched a couple of short animated movies, which I don't do all that often, and read an amazing fan fiction novel (didn’t really get what they were going on about because I wasn’t familiar with the FFVII world). Well, I suppose I only did those weird things because I’d been already very deep in love. It really absorbed all my thoughts for long hours, and beside that, I could only listen to the same 3 or 4 songs which seemed to suit my state perfectly (which was most untimely as I was in my first year and had to study for my exams)
But an odd thing was that I never managed to like neither Sephiroth’s life story (hmm, Shadow the hedgehog’s one is kinda less pathetic, imo) nor his world. It just didn’t resonate with me, I guess. I don’t even like Sephiroth’s theme (One Winged Angel, esp. metal version) from the game or movie soundtrack (not that it annoys me, but sort of terrifies without leaving any thrill I could want to feel again). However, that philia was probably the most intense I can think of; it just really sucked me dry. I don’t remember how it ended though. Most likely just faded. Also, I had a few other crushes coming. But maybe I should attempt at playing FFVII sometime…
Another philia was discovered even more randomly (if the last two words combined make sense at all). There was a time when I enjoyed looking through collections of pictures on different social media groups (like, you know, “gothic pictures”, “beautiful pictures”, fantasy pictures”...). I don’t recall exactly, but I probably came across an album of pics and arts of the anime series Trinity Blood (never heard of it before), and I just liked them and asked Google for more. Those were the years when I clearly realized my indifference to movies and cartoons, so I didn’t rush to watch the anime (like all normal people would do), but looked for more pictures, read everything I found in Wiki and even dug up a translation for the first part of the novels the anime is based on. They’re so-called light novels, that is, they’re put in a very simple, even trite way - not a super great reading, but I didn’t actually search for a classic novel merits there. I searched for original details of the story and of a certain character I was already strongly attracted to - Cain Knightlord (the antagonist). I think he still pops out in my mind every now and then. With him, I developed an ability to fall for the same character more than once (meaning the initial love fades for some time, but then I suddenly invent a new story to put my philia in, and it starts all over again). It was also intense, but not so tough as with Sephiroth; although my head was full of that crazed Cain guy too, but all of it was somehow softer.
Ah, yes, actually another big thing that got me into Trinity Blood was its soundtrack (I can’t recall why, but I listened to it in a pretty short while after getting interested in TB). I still love it, and its ending theme Cain & Abel is one of my top favorite pieces of music (well it IS a bit too pompous, but just a bit, by my standards…).
I didn’t find much in the original novels though, mainly because the process of translation from Japanese stopped somewhere toward the middle (it was being done by amateurs, because the novels seemed to never have been officially released in my country), and there wasn’t a lot about Cain in the first part (he was kinda referred to as an obscure enemy). I wasn’t so much into the story though (but it’s coherent enough comparing to some…), because I’ve always made up something of my own anyway. But I do know something. Other characters didn’t really hook me, but I was upset a little when learned that Lilith Sahl had been actually killed (by Cain himself) and never resurrected. She was a radiant beauty and also endowed with all sorts of virtues… The protagonist Abel Nightroad is said to be Cain’s twin brother, but it’s really hard for me to see a notable resemblance. He’s a complicated person though, no doubt
Okay, in the end I did watch a few scenes of the series, and listened to a full English version and to some parts of the original Japanese one (I mean I played the video with sound on, but didn’t watch). The reason was I wanted to hear the sort of voices they’d chosen for the characters. It was a new desire for me, but it’s actually interesting… can give more life to my fantasizing (if I like the voices, naturally). Cain’s Japanese voice appeared to be exactly like that of a real Japanese singer ~Selia~ (who used to be my short-lived crush too). I was amazed
Next philia appeared in the wake of 2014 (if memory serves me right), but was kind of a blast from the past. I have a strange ability to realize that I’m in love after I suddenly see that person/character in my dreams. It was quite peculiar that time, because I didn’t really know who I saw. Fortunately, I knew the name of the video game that character was from, but only because I read a book about it. I can’t remember what that kind of books is called, they usually contain detailed descriptions and playthroughs of a dozen or more video games released during certain years for a certain console. There are codes and secret combinations to achieve superpowers, and stuff… but I’m not sure if they’re on the market yet when you can find everything about a game on the Internet. Well, maybe not everything, I don’t know actually...
So, I had such a book, and read there about a game named Castlevania; most likely Symphony of the Night. I don’t recall a single word of the text, so I can’t be sure. But there were 4 pictures I remember clearly: one of Maria, another of Lisa, a group picture, and one or two pictures of…
I seem to have read that fans asked upon seeing some promotional art before the game release: “Who’s that lady with the sword?”. Actually I didn’t even ask anything like that, I was absolutely sure it was a lady. Lack of information! I only vaguely remember that I tried to play Castlevania as a very small child (think it was Bloodlines), but it was too hard, and I couldn’t even read the game name, so I’m not sure that counts. But I know for sure I never had Symphony, just read about it. I believe I remembered the illustrations because of their beauty. Ayami Kojima is really an outstanding artist; but I didn’t suspect she exists at the time.
Years passed, and one night I saw “the lady” in my dreams, was strangely moved by that recollection and went online without much thinking. I stopped thinking altogether when I learned that the lady was actually a half-vampiric guy by the name of Alucard . It took me some time to finally see a man in the pictures and not the most beautiful girl ever . By the way, I read about the very first drawings of Alucard (seems they were made by another artist), but they were either lost or dismissed… and then great Kojima came and accidentally made me happy
But I was already experienced and checked out the soundtrack almost immediately. It worked! Wasn’t as entirely incredible as the Trinity Blood OST, but there were many parts of the game, and even selected tracks of several soundtracks amounted to a heap of music. I still listen to it a lot and have some more to check out yet. Michiru Yamane’s music is the best match with Kojima’s artistic style. Sometimes there were other composers contributing though - quite good!
As much as I liked Alucard’s Japanese voice, I hated the American one (Yuri Lowenthal, I think?). I felt like I could slap a guy talking in that manner . And so I acquired a Japanese voices philia along the way
Didn’t watch the animated series, but its soundtrack isn’t all that bad, even though a little repetitive. What I watched was a scene of Alucard’s death from Lords of Shadow 2 or something. I wouldn’t say I liked it. Same goes for Lament of Innocence (hell, why the characters in the game look so weird?). But scenes from Curse of Darkness were fun, because one day I found out I had a thing for Isaac . And then for Juste Belmont (even though I truly disliked him at first). I think I’ll watch more sooner or later… it’s inevitable
Castlevania appeared to be even richer in awesome characters than Sonic the Hedgehog’s world (or it might be that my zoophilia had subsided, but I still appreciated that Alucard could turn into animals). Although Alucard’s image has always been beyond all others, he isn’t the only reason I’m attracted to his place of living. As I mentioned, the game art is incredible (even landscapes). It totally looks like it has a life of its own. The Castlevania world is full of nature, demons, and sorrowful destinies - that’s in fact everything I need to start making up dozens of little stories about people who live there. Apart from philias, I find a few other guys pretty cool: Mathias Cronqvist (to my mind, after becoming Dracula he lost a greater part of his charm, I’m not sure why), Leon, Trevor/Ralph, Walter Bernhard (with Castelvania, it’s the first time ever I got interested in male red-haired characters; well, Zoisite is described as red-haired, but I’d never thought of that, his hair always looked pale golden to me), Sonia (I suspect she was kicked out of the game because of her super big boobs ; really, a tall and slim girl, being a vampire hunter at that, would look more graceful with a proportional bust. Oh well…), Maria Renard (she looks 5 years older than it’s stated, but I think it could be not far from the truth, kids had to grow up as quick as possible two centuries ago), Richter, Soma Cruz, Genya Arikado (needless to say, actually), Julius too. Joachim Armster is nice in some pics, shockingly similar to Skywise of Elfquest. Not too boring a personality as well, although I wouldn’t like to have him as a friend, you know . (Two people who want most of all to do things their way can stand each other only on rare occasions…) There’s a number of characters I’m indifferent to or know nothing about, but that can change. Castlevania world, along with one or two others, is still able to grab me again without any external reason, just because my mind feels like wandering in Transylvanian forests.
If you already suspect that I have a slight tendency to fall for blond people, you’re right . But it’s mostly true for fictional characters. I’ve only rarely liked fair-haired guys irl, which I can’t really explain (I don’t know that I have such a preference). Although there are exceptions to both cases. To be honest, exceptions have been occuring one after another for quite a while yet...
In about a year after Castlevania captured me for the first time, I caught a glimpse of the Sherlock series (starring B. Cumberbatch), and it grew on me quick enough. Although I never managed to go through more than one season (3 series, but each one is as long as an average movie) - was bored again, no matter how much I loved seeing Sherlock (by the way, pics of him didn’t impress me, but he was stunning in action). I watched a few bits of other series, however. Some parts of the soundtrack have been staying with me ever since. It was an adorable little romance - around half a year or more (or less). I’m sure it was all about the character, because I never looked up anything about Mr Cumberbatch (although he’s a talented chap and a great person, from what I heard). I’m really not big on actors… I guess it’s often hard for me to make a connection with them through their looks and acting. How is it different from connecting with a video game character though? Just because the latter is a drawing? I dunno
Then, on a nice summer day of 2015, I suddenly digged Ancient Egyptian myths. I can’t recall the reason, it might have happened just in the course of autonomous intercultural learning. I remember reading the myths at least twice before that: once in secondary school and then probably for my uni exam on world literature (was interested, but forgot about it afterwards). But we all know that school reading rarely turns out as good as it’s intended to be . So I got hooked only when I decided to read it on my own accord. And again, I can’t recall exactly how that falling in love happened. Can anyone though? There’s just something you see and approach it to have a closer look… and next thing you know is you’re already sucked in
Well, I’m not afraid of looking unoriginal: my first crush was Anubis (he was and maybe still is a sort of idol for quite a few girls who were/are into “dark romanticism”; because you know Ancient Egyptian beliefs are just dark enough to complement their favorite music and art, well, why do I talk like I had nothing to do with it? ). He actually seems to be the most discreet and focused among other gods. Not a big talker either, which can be anything but a flaw to me. And I loved the depictions of A. E. sacred jackals for as long as I can remember. Also, I clearly recall that I already admired his ways when preparing to my lit exam 6 years earlier.
But I had one greater, new crush in the summer of 2015 - Thoth. One may not believe in Egyptian zodiac (I don’t, even though Thoth is my zodiac sign, according to one version), but for someone who's into reading and writing the god who invented language is just must-love❤. And I did love him.
I had eventually a bit of interest in Osiris, but that love flower may either bloom later or remain an eternal bud, no knowing of it yet. I only know that those mythical world is still out there (no wonder, I still read books on Egyptian mythology every now and again) and can grab me anytime. I was already inspired enough to start a couple of short stories featuring some Egyptian gods. Felt immensely excited and happy when I was describing them; hope I’ll return to that state of mind when I feel apt to finish the stories (stopped halfway through both), well, sorry for the lyrical digression
Of course, all these creatures (deities, video game animals, etc.) don’t exactly look like their original images (often pretty simple) in my imagination. They look like living beings, like someone who could walk along a city street breathing city air, which requires a bit of biological adjustment or something… Nature-inspired analogies and detailing usually help: a creature doesn’t look like it’s kind of a weird teddy bear or scarecrow anymore . Sure, many other people can imagine something like this. I particularly like such a version of Anubis.
But it’s probably for the best that I’m no biologist, otherwise I’d have realized that many things I invent so easily are, in fact, utterly impossible. On the other hand, I might have produced a few extremely realistic ideas. Okay, whatever…
And now my very last crush and half-crush to date. Oddly enough, I’ve been always indifferent to vampires as such, but it’s known that love is blind . As if Castlevania (and Trinity Blood) hadn’t been enough, in the spring of good old 2018 I decided to read Ann Rice for the first time and was in over my head. I started, like an obedient child, with the first book of "The Vampire Chronicles", but Louis split with Armand at the end, and I couldn’t. And thus had to jump to the 6th book (because of its title) of the series at once, hoping the novels were more or less independent and I’d be able to understand everything important. It appeared to be presumptuous . There’s a literary device called "into the middle of things", and I’d have been glad if it had been like that to me. But no, I literally felt like I’d dropped from the moon . First part of that novel is pretty hard to get without reading the 2nd book of the series (but I was so impatient to know more about Armand that I actually missed the book which told a lot about him in a rather comprehensive manner - the irony of it!). But it never stopped me. I do think it’s the most gripping novel I’ve ever read (and I can’t be called an inexperienced reader), even though I started to understand what it was going on about somewhere towards the second half. I still enjoyed the story from the very first page, was excited and overwhelmed out of all proportion and felt things I’d never felt before when reading. But the reason wasn’t Rice’s writing talent (I don’t question it though - she created a genuine otherworldly universe). I know that because I didn’t experienced it again, although I read three more novels of hers after “The Vampire Armand”. Well, not exactly - I did felt pretty odd when he showed up in those novels. Plan to reread the 6th part in some time and check my reaction. I don’t hope for it to be even half as amazing as it initially was; but I’m going to treasure the memory of that mad romance no matter what . And I don’t actually think it’s over. Seems like it’s still lurking around (bumping into vampire hunters, ancient gods, nanomachine-injected monsters, and stuff. What a strange aura must be around me! )
I watched the "Interview with the Vampire" adaptation as a very small child, but barely remembered anything by the time I started reading Rice’s novel. I was likely to watch only some parts of the movie, because I can’t recall not a single shot of Armand. But I recalled Louis, Lestat and Claudia rather well (I expected her to show up when I got to the novel). It’s likely that my parents didn’t allow me to watch certain pieces so that I didn’t get scared. Well, when I looked up that Armand was portrayed by A. Banderas, I was like, “omg, haha” . I actually like Banderas, but Armand in my imagination just hasn’t anything in common with him. Well, I read that Armand’s origin was changed in the movie, they made him Spanish. Was it because of Banderas? But the latter is recognized as a typical Spanish guy even by me (I’m pretty bad at distinguishing people of different nationalities), so it all makes sense in the end. But I still prefer Salvic version of Armand’s origin . (I even lived in one of Kyivan districts he mentioned in the novel.)
It hadn’t exactly gained him points though. Just the other way round - only because I’d fell for him, I was able to admire his origin too. Generally I’m not fond of meeting East Slavs (either in a book or in the street) when I’m not prepared for that, not sure about the reason.
And I mentioned a half-crush, didn’t I; well, it was Marius. I might have caught that from Armand, but whatever. “Blood and Gold” was a good read as well. Very sad and hopeless, but I like that mood in art. Marius does have a lot of charm about him, but I’m afraid he manages to be impossible at the same time . A few other characters seemed to agree with me on that
I also have or had a thing for about 6 characters of my own novels, but I’m not so much passionate about them most of the time. I’ve already been through that… They’re always in my head doing something, and I can’t be ecstatic all the time. And I discover a new great guy to love every few years, so my poor characters have to make do with what’s left… I don’t think there’s any use to describe them - it’s not really interesting unless you can open a book and read about them, and you obviously can’t yet. But, as a friend of mine used to say, “when I become a famous author..." Most of my characters are based on real people though (and I had a crush on many of them), and I’ll probably list them in a suitable thread sometime.
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Post by JohanneSoulless on Nov 7, 2022 0:14:15 GMT
Another part of the post has to be dedicated to my fictophobias. Fortunately for myself and my readers out here, they were few . Or I tend to forget them, especially the oldest. Well, the earliest one I can think of was an arrogant girl Ioga from a Nanai folk tale who was enchanted by her own beauty and refused to do household chores. Then she also became jealous of the neighbor girl who helped her mother instead of her and was rewarded with a piece of flatbread. Ioga was immediately punished for her behaviour by falling into a river and turning into a goose. But I wasn’t satisfied - probably due to the fact that she hadn’t understood anything and kept swimming in the river and admiring her reflection. I guess I didn’t realize at the time that some people never learn
A guy similar to her was Rayek from Elfquest. He wasn’t particularly crazy about his looks (maybe), but he was super proud of his dexterity, wits, magic abilities and who knows what else. Was terribly jealous of his rival in love Cutter, too (kind of understandable, but not sympathetic when you recall his bad temper). I’m not sure why I find arrogant people so infuriating. A logical explanation might be that they can pose a certain threat to me by showing contempt for my needs (and ignoring them) or trying to manage my life because they think they’re so much better than I am and know what is right. But I’ve no clue where I could possibly meet such people and learn to hate them when I was about 5 y. o. I recalled my resentment for Rayek only vaguely when I started rereading the comic book in my 20s, but on meeting him again I immediately realized that nothing had changed.
Then there was a brief time when I didn’t have anything interesting to do except for playing in the street, and there was nothing interesting around me as well, apart from my cat and a stuffed monkey. I already liked my cat and the street (and loved a few cool parrots from an illustrated catalog, ah, yeah, and a barely familiar boy from our neighborhood), so I probably needed to make a phobia out of something. And I started to be afraid of the stuffed monkey . I had it for years before that, but suddenly I noticed how realistic it looked (it was small and dark-brown, not too detailed, only its face was rather natural-looking), and wasn’t excited about it. I put the toy as far from me as I could (which wasn’t easy: I only had a bed, a table, and a chair in my room) and cast stealthy glances at it. I think I waited for it to start moving, and then I’d run screaming out of the room . I don’t remember what happened to the toy later. Maybe it was sold or given or lost. Of course, I never missed it
It’s actually not rare for me to meet philias and phobias at the same “place”. Chibiusa from Sailor Moon pissed me off, but I can’t already recall why exactly. I doubt she was actually arrogant; it’s more likely that I despised her because she was stubborn, meddling and noisily demonstrating her negative attitudes (and they were many). Or I might mix her up with someone else… I was also annoyed by Xander of Buffy etc., but that feeling seemed to fade somewhat in course of the series… hmm, I tell you I tend to forget my phobias . I’m not sure what I didn’t like about him, I probably thought he was stupid (not all kinds of stupidity are equally hateful to me, but his one definitely was…)
"The Chronicles of Amber", in spite of being a book I liked to peer into so many times (read the series from cover to cover more than once), is surprisingly rich in unpleasant characters. I think my attitude to Brand was ambivalent - I liked something I can’t recall now, but his affectations and pettiness did irritate me. Wasn’t thrilled about his killing Deidre either… But he was an antagonist after all . Julian seemed pretty annoying guy too, but I don’t think I hated him. He was just fixated on himself, but not exactly narcissistic, as much as I remember. But his almost-namesake Julia who was Merlin’s girlfriend drove me nuts - what an immature stupid bitch! Or so I thought when reading. Merlin hasn’t ever been my favorite too, and his romantic choice seems like natural for someone like him. He’s infinitely more agreeable than Julia, of course. But I would sense something odd in his disposition every time I read Merlin Cycle. I’m not sure how to put it, there’s, like, a hidden weakness in him, so deep inside that it’s hard to begin to outline it. It might be even a sort of self-disrespect or indifference to certain aspects of himself and/or life. Maybe humility can sometimes look awkward and, erm, not honorable like it should. Or there’s really no pleasing me, I dunno . I have to reread the novel some day (last time I did it was 8 years ago).
Another green-eyed magician I don’t like is Schmendrick from "The Last Unicorn" and some other pieces by P. Beagle. The problem isn’t about the eyes and magic, of course. As I said, I’m not sure about Merlin, but Shmendrick is explicitly self-humiliating and miserable. Actually, I tolerated that in "The Unicorn" - not everyone has an indomitable spirit, you know - but in a short story (and, I think, in the sequel to "The Unicorn") he was quite disagreeable. What I recall about the short story was that he suddenly turned out to be very judgemental and dogmatic guy who spoke before he got the whole picture. He talked with a woman about someone who’d dumped her, and he might have been right to an extent, but his harsh opinion about the story he barely learned could show anything but kindness and sympathy in him. I do think he was as harsh when evaluating himself, but there’s nothing good about that either. As if it ever helped him.
Analyzing fictional characters like that might strike someone as silly, but one shouldn’t forget that any fiction is based on reality; in a chaotic way if it’s low-quality fiction, and in accordance with certain thinking rules if it’s not. To me, a well-made character isn’t less reality-based than a personality type in psychology or a species of animal in biology. They differ, of course, as they’re created for different purposes, but the same processes of abstracting and generalization are used for their creation. Therefore, liking/disliking/analyzing fictional images does have some sense and tells (even if only a little) about real preferences of a person…
Well, let’s continue with that. I dimly recall disliking Lord Henry Wotton from "The Picture of Dorian Gray" novel, probably because of his poking his nose into everything and then pretending he had nothing to do with it (or, rather, not admitting that it matters). Sure thing, every person has the final say about what’s going on in their own lives, but manipulative meddlers aren’t the people I can admire anyway.
Rhett Butler from "Gone With The Wind" (a novel) doesn’t seem to be much of a meddler, but he, too, isn’t without a manipulative bone in his body. Maybe he’s honest in his own way, and someone may be fascinated by his persistence and ingenuity (I do know he’s many ladies’ idol), but he’s far from being my type. Scarlett really was no peach (not that I’m crazy about her), but neither was he. I don’t know if any of them ever felt more happy than miserable during their relationship (or if their moments of happiness were more inportant than those of misery), and I’m generally not interested in watching that kind of relationship at all. A lot of something like that happens around, nothing new to learn . And I particularly hate when people say or behave like, “I want this and that from you AND you can't get away from it” (Rhett didn’t put it exactly like this, but his marriage to Scarlett was mainly his own desire while she was unwilling - something he couldn’t be unaware of). I can’t see any respect for another person in this; and disrespect in a relationship, again, is so widespread and all too familiar that I’m not able to find any exciting boldness in it (even if it’s just described in a novel).
Quite a lot of my phobias belong in the world of literature, but I also found a couple in Final Fantasy VII and Trinity Blood. An interesting thing is, I hated many of them when they were mentioned for the first time - I didn’t even know why I didn’t like them, but that was already a fact. I seldom had a first-sight dislike for a real person (I remember 4 times, could forget something, you already know that I’m inclined to it), but it happened in the same way with fictophobias too, just momentarily (I saw real people at least, but the characters were barely described before I started hating them). So, my FF VII phobias are Tifa Lockhart, because she seemed a prideful drama queen to me, and Genesis Rhapsodos, for the reasons too obvious to list (for anyone familiar with the character). It’s said that “his appearance” is based on Japanese rock musician Gackt, but I’m sure it’s not only appearance. I dislike Gackt too, although his music actually sounds nice to my ear (but I’m indifferent to it). I mean it’s fine that he looks like he looks, not a problem with me; I dislike his haughty attitude and I-must-be-better-than-others life motto (or that was what he seemed to me). To me, Genesis is fully copied from him. And I must admit I just broke my own rule of not talking about non-fictional people, but I think I mostly hate Gackt because of his lending his disposition to Genesis; otherwise I would hardly have learned about it at all. Generally I don’t mind musicians I don’t even listen to being arrogant chaps
Another red-haired phobia of mine is Esther Blanchett from Trinity Blood. Well, she has pretty legs in anime, and is said to be a beauty in the novels, but I can’t accept everything together with good looks, you know. I think she reminds me of Tifa with a big chunk of Chibiusa. I can’t even choose who of the two is more disagreeable to me. Both!
Julien Sorel from "The Red and the Black" (a novel) is now my only ex-phobia, but that may change when I reread some books. How I hated him though! Well, he’s exactly the type of person I dislike at all times - arrogant and jealous (also doing stupid things because of that). He had some good traits too, but I’d really prefer (in this particular case) that he wouldn’t have had neither good nor bad ones if they were interconnected. Sure, I wasn’t upset when he’d been executed . But I only felt like that when reading the novel for the first time. I reread it 2 or 3 years later and found out that Julien didn’t annoy me as much anymore. I didn't discover anything about him that I hadn’t noticed before, but I was like, “one could expect nothing else from that sort of person”. Of course, I wouldn’t ever be able to tolerate him if he was a real guy near me, but he’s just someone from a book and couldn’t even outrage me twice, so… I forgave him
I’ve read Richard Bach since I was a child, and he seemed ok most of the time… before I read “The Bridge Across Forever” where he appeared so judgmental and irresponsible that I don’t know . Well, I can’t tell if he doesn’t exagerrate and mocks his own traits when making himself a literary character, but that actually doesn’t matter. There’s no way I’ll meet him in person (not that I want); and that autobiographical character from his novels can get on my nerves easily...
Tolstoy’s “War and Peace” is full of all types of people, but I disliked only two and I’m not sure about the reason. Maybe I’ll reread it some day and realize that I just don’t care at all. My first and main phobia was Princess Maria Bolkonskaya. As I recall, the first thing about her was her letter to a friend, and I already felt a bit of annoyance for she was so righteous and pious. She probably couldn’t be different, because her “loving” father was a rude and difficult man who was cruel to her “for her own good” (as such people always say and often believe in it themselves), so she had to seek her comfort in religion at least. But understanding the reasons seldom changes my feelings. I think she just belongs to the people who are inherently alien to me (I suppose, they feel the same aversion towards me; when I disliked real people at first sight, they probably returned the feeling). I don’t recall situations where she was outright stupid, but I was irritated at her every word anyway.
Hadn’t liked her father, but her husband Count Nikolai Rostov appeared to be even more disagreeable at the end. Actually I started really disliking him after he married. He wasn’t my fave character before, but becoming his own master allowed him to express himself without any limits. The author is in love with him, of course, and tries to point out that the character shows the true essence of a noble Russian man. Well, I can agree with the latter, but I must admit that Russian men haven’t ever been my soft spot (NOT even because of the current situation). Again, Rostov isn’t devoid of good traits, but they can’t make me accept with them something I don’t like (generally it can happen, but not in his case). What I dislike most of all may be the discrepancy between his feelings and their expression (a common issue among people actually). Sometimes he can show what he feels adequately; but when he can’t, he says blatantly idiotic things, and one must love him to bits to refrain from slapping him after that . I couldn’t find that passage in the novel today, but I remember the Count saying something like, “Russian tzar is dearer to me than my family!” (when his wife was present). I don’t know if it would be better if it was true, but expressing patriotism like that doesn’t humor me at all. I wouldn't be able to rely on a person who doesn’t always realize what they say and what it means (especially when they don’t actually mean that). Yes, one can interpret their actions instead of words, but it’s still a difficult way of communication. Obviously, I’m not Princess Maria
Another all-too-spontaneous guy is Manfred from “The Castle of Otranto” who is probably too typical of the Middle Ages people to be judged harshly… but I dislike him . He certainly wasn’t sneaky, but I can’t like his own harshness (towards others and himself too), although even I, who isn’t really familiar with the Middle Ages culture, could write a whole article about his reasons to be the person he was. But I tend to like people who can rise above their social environment. For the most part, it’s not their conscious work, like it’s not conscious work to be like others, so there’s no one to praise or blame. But my preferences are, ehm, my preferences…
The last one for the time being isn’t actually a phobia, but, nevertheless, the most antagonistic character of late, thanks to Ann Rice again. I’m aware that Lestat de Lioncourt is her own favorite character ("her soul" if I remember her words correctly) who enjoys great popularity among "The Vampire Chronicles" fans. But I’m often deaf to hit songs, and hit characters are probably somewhat akin to them . Not that I absolutely hate him, but I really can’t remember if I ever sympathized with him (although I remember that there were numerous reasons). And I definitely know what I can’t relate to - his existentialism-like attitude (I hated the philosophy long before I knew who Lestat was) which is as alien to me as it can be. I like watching Lestat (he’s always into all sorts of daring things), but I wouldn’t want to have him as a friend or lover, no way . His spirit isn’t something I look for in this world
And now the final joy - my post is over!
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